Monday, January 14, 2013

Crossroads

So, Kristen is shutting down her blog.

It's giving me pause.

I've seen so many of my blogging friends - people who were my lifelines in Bud's early childhood - step away from blogging as their children get older.  And it's no secret that I've stepped back myself.  I start a lot of posts, but truly, it's hard to write about the core issues - the things that REALLY matter - without feeling like I'm invading the privacy of a whole lot of other people in my life - people who never signed on to being vaguely pseudonymous Internet characters.

I've thought about it a lot over the past year - a year in which I experienced extraordinary change in my life, and yet a year in which I posted only seven times.  The internal conversation has inevitably gone something like this:

Can you call yourself a blogger if you never really blog?

Can you call yourself a writer if you never really write?

And what's that all about, anyway?  If writing - if blogging - has been central to your sense of self for so long, critical to your perspective on who you are - what does it mean that it hasn't gotten any of your attention?

Are you losing sight of who you are?  Or is who you are simply changing?

Meaty questions.  But questions that go mostly unanswered.

And now Kristen is closing shop.  Kristen, who has continued to post regularly - by my standards, anyway.  I know she's been thinking about it for a long time and that it's the right step for her.

It would be easy to follow suit - to toss in a "me, too" and go watch another re-run of Downton Abbey. 

But it seems I'm not ready.

I'm not sure what I have to say.  But I'm not ready to decide not to say it.

I'll be back in a day or two. 

No, really, I mean it. 

Some friends of mine have a really cool project I've been meaning to tell you about.

9 comments:

Dawn Beronilla said...

You are whatever your heart tells you!
I think this is something that we all struggle with at one point in time or another. It's not easy, but you'll make the right choice. We all do. :-)

kristen spina said...

I will never forget our first email exchange some many years ago when you encouraged me to start a blog. I will forever cherish the world you so readily invited me into, and the friends I made as a result. I have loved every minute of it -- the encouragement, the support, the laughs -- so many good times. Sad times, too. Lots of love, my friend. But never good-bye. xxk

jenny whillas said...

Life is full of ebbs and flows, just go with it. Sometimes I think we question things too much. Things happen for a reason and in their own time. And sometimes a few posts a year is enough. for you and us.

Anonymous said...

I stumbled across your blog a few weeks ago as I was doing research on tools I could use at work (I work with adults with developmental disabilities, some of whom are autistic). I went back to the beginning and have been reading through since then. Your blog has helped me to remember to be flexible and think outside the box so I can work WITH my guys and not cause them more difficulties. We actually had a huge break through with one of my guys yesterday. Thank you for this blog, please don't go away.

Maddy said...

I know what you mean - still hovering on the fence posts.

Lauren said...

My name is Lauren and I am a "young" mom of a child with an undiagnosed disability. I've been pretty angry and lonely lately, so I decided to start writing a blog in the hopes that I could get a conversation going so that I wouldn't feel so alone. I love this blog so I thought I'd share my link...

http://functioningdysfunctionalmama.blogspot.com/

I would love to hear from some of you...

Anonymous said...

"I start a lot of posts, but truly, it's hard to write about the core issues - the things that REALLY matter - without feeling like I'm invading the privacy of a whole lot of other people in my life - people who never signed on to being vaguely pseudonymous Internet characters."

And this is why I have always respected you as a mom of a child with autism and a blogger. You do not disrespect the privacy of your son or others in your life by plastering their pictures all over the place or revealing every inch of yourself or of them. I personally have NO respect for parents of children with autism who put their lives out there for all to read since they can not be certain this is what the child would choose. Maybe these kids don't want their lives out there for all to see so we have to respect that since we can't know.

I have to shake my head at parents who would be the first to be screaming if their child's HIPPA rights were violated yet these same parents will write the most personal details of their child's life for the world to see.

Thank you for having class and for showing you can have a very interesting and effective blog without whoring out (sorry for the term but it is the best way to describe it)your entire family.

Orla Kelly said...

I am the same and this is why i actually have hidden all 50 of my blog posts as I feel my son has not ebing consulted. However I do feed these posts to people who join my list as I maintain some degree of privacy for my family in this way. I am always trying to get the balance right between reaching out and helping others by sharing and yet keeping my family private.

MothersVox said...

So happy you're still here blogging! I've been missing in action as well -- it's my tenure year so I was doing all thing tenure-able. Which meant a lot less blogging, that's for sure. But we're still here. And happy you are too.