Monday, May 12, 2008

Peering into the shadows

If you've been reading my blog lately, then you probably think that there's not much going on around here and that the only things on my mind are the melting snow, my hair stylist, and Dierks Bentley's new cd.

Au contraire.

Sometimes it seems like there is an inverse ratio at work on my blog: the more that's going on, the less I am able to write. There are a lot of contributing factors. Bud's privacy is the most important one, of course. But my readership has also expanded to the point that now I'm not even sure who reads my blog and also knows me in real life - so I tread lightly when I write about real-life people, lest I misrepresent or offend. I edit heavily and I process more and more off-blog.

But know this: while I've been shining the spotlight on my hair, there have been extraordinary things happening in the shadows. Bud has been transforming. He has been seeing a child psychologist for several months, and though he spends most of the time at his sessions trying to deflect questions and change the subject, it's clear that inside his brain and body, he has been doing work - hard work, important work - and coming face to face with the things that trouble him. He is naming his feelings, owning them. He is saying what he needs. He is struggling to understand and accept the things he can't control. He is offering solutions and suggestions. He is self-advocating.

And in the midst of all this hard work, he is happy. More than that. He is delightful. He's engaged and he's engaging.

This weekend, Bud's favorite babysitter graduated from college and we were invited to a party in her honor. Bud said he wanted to go, so we set off for what I imagined would be a brief outing similar in nature to the Solstice Party we attended not long ago.

Not so.

Bud enjoyed the party. He greeted people. He responded to questions. He hugged the guest of honor. Bud and I were among the last to leave, an hour and a half past Bud's regular bedtime. And the next day? We were off to a Mother's Day brunch in a crowded restaurant, where Bud sat and ate and chatted and had a perfectly wonderful time.

Extraordinary.

So, yes, there is a lot going on over here in the shadows. Some of it is hard. Some of it is frustrating. But much of it - most of it - is hopeful, and helpful, and very, very good.

15 comments:

graceunderautism said...

I have the same problem with blogging. The more I have to say, the less I feel like typing.

I'm glad things are going so well. I hope they continue on this path.

kristenspina said...

This lifts my heart to no end. I'm happy to hear the shadows have a light of their own...

kristina said...

And the little lights shine even brighter---flicker---and last.

Warm hug to Bud and you.

Niksmom said...

Such wonderfully uplifting news! I have trouble finding the words to write when there is so much going on w/Nik...both good and challenging.

Glad you found the words to share Bud's wonderful progress with us. Awesome.

Drama Mama said...

Thank you for the update, MOM. It makes my whole day - a day that has not been particularly uplifting.

May Bud continue to grow and prosper...and by the way, Happpy Mother's Day!

WherestheBox said...

How wonderful to hear - so glad that Bud is doing well.

ghkcole said...

I was on to your secret; I had a feeling quiet blogging didn't equal quiet living. I am so glad that GOOD has been keeping you busy. Way to go, Bud! You have made me happy for you guys, and hopeful for those of us at the rooster house.

dancingmom said...

Yes! :-)

Stimey said...

This is a wonderful thing to read. I'm so happy for you and Bud.

Jenn said...

I know the feeling well. Sometimes my quiet blog just means things are chugging along and I don't have anything to hash out and process, nor do I want to bore the internets with the mundane and ordinary. Then again sometimes when I'm quiet, it means I'm REALLY trying to process something and not so sure I want to put it out there for all the world to see.

Regardless, I'm thrilled to peices that Bud is doing so well these days!

Susan said...

This is wonderful, wonderful news. I'm so glad for Bud and for you, and grateful that you shared it with us. There is joy in the hard stuff, isn't there?

Kitt said...

Wow, that's just terrific.

I think you do a very fine job posting what you do. It's personal, but of course it's not everything, nor should it be. Some trials, some triumphs and a lot of inspiration.

KAL said...

How wonderful for Bud! You can't hope for much more than that. I'm so happy for him and for you.

Daisy said...

Fantastic!

kyra said...

i have no doubts that your shadows are filled with richness, growth, excitement, adventure, and many things new. for both you and bud.

i love hearing about his growth. he is such a remarkable fellow. and he has a remarkable mom.

xx