It's only March, and I'm already out of the running for Mother of the Year.
Remember a few months ago when I told you that Bud was on a new medication that made him ravenously hungry? I was under strict orders from Bud's doctor to reign in his caloric consumption and I began ridding the house of all of Bud's favorite snack foods: blueberry bagels, ice cream cups, Nutri-Grain bars, frozen pancakes - everything. But Bud was intrepid - and hungry - so every time I left the kitchen he'd go foraging and then try to hide the evidence, stowing Popsicle sticks under the sofa and leaving a tell-tale trail Whole Grain Goldfish crumbs in his wake. He quickly learned to master the art of the dine-and-dash, waiting until he heard my footsteps going up the stairs, then diving headlong into the refrigerator to scarf down whatever he could reach. At day's end, when Bud was fast asleep, I'd open the refrigerator to find thick boy-mouth sized bite marks through a half-pound stack of American cheese or a bag full of stems where a pound of grapes had been that morning.
But nothing - nothing - compared to last week. Bud and I spent the usual amount of time engaged in food negotiations ("But I'm hungry, Mama"/"I'll get you a snack in a few minutes, Bud,") but, due to limited shopping opportunity, our house was even more free than usual of anything approximating snack food. Still, I'd hear the refrigerator open when I went upstairs, but then I'd dash back down to find him empty-handed, over and over and over again. It wasn't until week's end when I discovered two things in our mostly-empty refrigerator: 1) a tub of Olivio butter substitute that I thought was unopened, but that was, in fact, filled with the deep track marks of the eight-year-old who was eating the stuff by the fist-full, and 2) a bottle of ketchup that days earlier had been full, but was now completely empty.
Margarine and ketchup. My son is so hungry, he's been eating margarine and drinking ketchup. If you are what you eat, then I am raising my poor boy to be a condiment.
I have got to find a better solution.