Saturday, December 29, 2007

A tale of 2007

It was the best of times; it was the worst of times.

For Bud, 2007 was a year of upheaval and, strangely, progress.

Most of what I blogged about our lives in 2007 was written between the lines. I alluded to what we were going through, but I didn’t write much about it. I wasn’t sure what to say, for starters. And I wasn’t sure how much of the story was mine to tell. So I stuck with allusion.

I talked to Bud’s dad the other day, though, and he told me that he feels like a guy whose character got written out of a sitcom because the actor’s contract was not renewed. I can see where he’s coming from.

As you may have surmised by what I haven’t written this year, Bud’s dad and I are no longer together. It’s complicated, of course, and really not for public consumption. He made a difficult – but logical – move to another area, and he talks to Bud on the phone every day, and often several times a day.

As a result, 2007 was characterized by extraordinary change for Bud. He had to deal with a radical shake-up at home, and with the absence of one of the most primary people in his life. He had to manage confusion and uncertainty and anger and sadness. His transition to a new school year was difficult. His anxiety was at an all time high. His unrelated health issues prompted the scheduling of major surgery.

And yet, he did it.

Bud negotiated the difficulty. He named his sadness and his anger. He forged a new kind of day-to-day relationship with his dad, and became masterful at the art of the telephone conversation. He focused on working through small changes, which helped him learn to work through the big ones. He trusted his dad and me. He kept moving forward.

As a result, 2007 was also characterized by extraordinary growth for Bud – physically, emotionally, and developmentally. He became a terrific reader. He made tremendous advances with language – using it to comment, consult, question, explain, describe, implore. He learned that though circumstances change, a parent’s love never does. And neither does a child’s.

We have all survived 2007, both apart and together. No one has been written out of the sitcom, though the plot has taken some sudden turns. And we all move into 2008 with hope - hope for a year of continued progress and hope for a year of settling in.


kristina said...

And thank you for letting us share in yours and Bud's life for another year. As I look back----2005 was the low, low, low year for us----even though Charlie was struggling beyond belief, he made some tremendous gains in his independence and ability to express himself, in swimming in the ocean and in bike riding. Our kids do rise to challenges and change and grow.

Wishing you many sunny days, big hugs, and warm smiles, and lots of really music, in 2008.

Marla said...

Wish you the best for 2008. It can be hard to decide what to keep private and what to blog about. I enjoy your blog and look forward to another year!

Anonymous said...

Your resilience* over the course of the past year awes and inspires. Your story is a touchstone for so many of us and I look forward to another year of the Chronicles of Bud and MOM-NOS! Happiest of happy new years to you and yours!

*I know, I know, overused word in the annals of special needs parenting, but apt here!

Stimey said...

I've really enjoyed discovering and reading your words in 2007. I hope 2008 brings more progress for your family and happiness for all of you.

Happy New Year!

Niksmom said...

The growth and maturing that Bud has experienced this year is a testament to his own strength and resilience but also to the love and support of both of his parents —whether together or apart. I know from watching my sister's family as she went through a long, drawn-out and very painful separation then divorce, sometimes it's better for parents to be apart and children sense that. Strange as it may sound, you and Dad-NOS actually are helping Bud learn to navigate his world on his own more and more. Okay, this isn't coming out how I wanted it to so I'll stop here and just say...

You *all* have weathered a lot this year and the way Bud has come through speaks volumes about strength, grace, forgiveness, and resilience. xoxo

Ange said...

I was introduced to your blog in 2007, and really enjoy your style of writing, allusion and all. My best to you and Bud in 2008.

kristen spina said...

Sending you a hug and warm wishes for a peaceful, joyful 2008. Happy New Year!

Daisy said...

Sending you good wishes for a less-momentous year next year -- meant in the best of ways, be sure.

Anonymous said...

In a world of crass and selfishness, its nice to know that "grown-ups" still exist and can agree to do what is best for their child rather than trade hurtful retorts. As a child of divorced parents, I'm thankful that my mother was always a grown up. Despite what I'm sure were angry and regretful moments she felt, she never expressed them to me knowing my relationship with my father was something seperate and unrelated to their interpersonal relationship.

Cheers and a happy new year,


KAL said...

Hooray for Bud and Hooray for you too, mom-nos. It can't have been easy. I always enjoy my visits here and wish you all the best in 2008. Happy New Year!

Anonymous said...

I have enjoyed your blog so much that I failed to read between the lines at all, just enjoying the words on the screen. I, too, recently went through a separation and divorce and I know the extraordinary challenges that brings in so many ways.

I want to invite you to my blog if you would like a friend who is going through some of the same things you blog is "friends only" for the very reasons you have not publicized your private matters, so please email me if you are interested as I consider you a friend.

Much happiness in the new year!
karen in ca

Wendy said...

Ditto the first line of Niksmom's comment. Bud is one lucky boy to have such wonderful parents. You've both come through this year with flying colors!

Can't wait to read more of your writing in 2008. Still waiting on a book though.....:)

floating in space said...

Thank you for sharing your story with us. Bud is one lucky young man to have such loving, caring parents. Wishing you a happy and healthy 2008.

Drama Mama said...

I love the allusion to Tale of Two Cities - my favorite book in high school!

You both have done an excellent job navigating a potentially difficult year. Bud rests in capable arms for any upcoming challenges, and he has just the mother to get get him through anything.

You have raised a strong child.

Mazel Tov, and Happy New Year!

gretchen said...

What a year, what a year. I wish you a 2008 that is not as eventful, but just as successful. You've both made some broad strides forward, and I'm sure Bud's dad has also.

A kiss to you both at midnight!XX

mommy~dearest said...

Yet another way that children are amazing.

I am facing a similar situation, and hope that if a separation is decided on, Jaysen will be able to cope (he wasn't even two when his father and I divorced, so as far as he knows, his dad and I have always been apart. He has more of a relationship with Companion, than his dad).

Your blog has truly been an inspiration to me. Wishing you a happy and healthy New Year.

David said...

Let me add my thanks to you mom-nos for sharing 2007's ups and downs on your blog.

Your recap "tale of 2007" puts a nice little bow on what I'm sure was a really hard year for all 3 of you. It's really quite wonderful how well Bud has grown through all this. I hope that I get to meet him some day.

Mom without a manual said...

Thanks for sharing your tale. It truly is amazing how great our kids are! And yes, Bud does have great champions!

Here is to a great 2008!

Anonymous said...

many blessings for all the characters in your 'show' and so many heartfelt congratulations to bud for meeting the challenges in his life with such humor, strength, innovation and character.