Monday, September 17, 2007

Facing demons, watching friends

For those who have been following the unfolding saga of Bud and the length of Dierks Bentley's hair (in three different installments), I offer yet another chapter.

These days Bud has been proving that he's not a boy who runs from a challenge. Indeed, he is a boy who faces his fears head-on (as it were), seeking out the the things that unsettle him so that he can deconstruct and demystify them.

For the past week, Bud's most-requested and most-watched video has been Dierks Bentley's "Settle for a Slowdown." You can watch it here, and when you do you will probably notice the two things in it that have captivated Bud:

1. Bud's friend Dierks has long hair, and

2. Bud's friend Dierks is caught outside in a thunderstorm.






Bud watches the video as often as I'll let him. Each time he watches, he narrates the action as it happens. He is drawn, especially, to the flashes of lightning and he watches intently as his hero faces the storm outside and the storm within, as the rain starts falling, as his long hair clings, dripping, to his face. And somehow - somehow - watching this happen again and again, narrating it as it happens, Bud seems to be emboldened by it. The lightning in the video becomes a little less scary with each subsequent viewing. And while it hasn't yet transferred to a comfort with real-life lightning, it has got to be a good start. (There is a tag line here about "settling for a slowdown" that begs to be written, but, really, that's the easy way out, isn't it? I'll resist.)

For some reason, Bud is also fascinated by the fact that in this video Dierks appears to live in a mobile home. Bud says he would really, really like to visit a "car house."

There are two other high-rotation videos on Bud's playlist these days - both featuring long-haired men, interestingly enough. The first is Keith Urban's "I Told You So," which also features a storm and seems to have the same emboldening effect on Bud. The second is Eric Church's "Guys Like Me," the bulk of which takes place in a pool hall. This weekend as we watched the video, Bud stared at the screen and asked "They're in a church?"

"No," I explained. "His name is Eric Church. They're in a bar."

And that was it - he was off: "I want to go to a bar!" he said. And then he continued to say it all weekend long: "I want to go to a bar. Can we go to a bar? Let's go to a bar!"

Knowing Bud, his preoccupation with bars will continue all week. I have to admit, I can't help but wonder what they thought at school today about the way we spend our weekends.

17 comments:

Niksmom said...

As long as he doesn't start demanding martinis I think you're safe! ;-)

Wow, fascinating progression of things with the storms and hair and the music underneath it all. Bud sure is intrepid.

kristina said...

Dierks has quite the life!

for what it's worth said...

Remember a credo I offer in my class:"I will only believe half of what is said about you at school, if you believe only half of what is said about me at home."

But I have to admit, hearing 'bar talk' would have peaked my interest....

Maggie Rosethorn said...

Mom-NOS - look into some of the local "bars" and see if they serve regular meals. We took our kids into a bar at lunchtime, the Keyhole Pub, when they were both quite young and we were in Mackinaw City and they had a blast. The food was good and the kids saw what the inside of a "bar" looks like. If there is a place like that near you, it might be a good place for you and Bud to check out.

Cheers to Bud for facing the storms and hair issues on videos. It's wonderful how he grows and learns to cope with his fears.

Bonnie Ventura said...

I second Maggie's suggestion -- you might want to try taking Bud to lunch at a Buffalo Wild Wings, or some other sports bar. He'll probably think it's too noisy, but it should satisfy his curiosity.

Bipolar Dad said...

There are at least a couple of pubs local to us that are quite family friendly.

On another subject, watching this, it occurs to me that in order to have their desired effect, music videos squeeze a lot of drama into four minutes; they are intense. I have never watched one with my neurotypical son, who is six. I think he is old enough to see the themes in a video like this, i.e., country music videos are never sexually explicit or profane. I'm thinking about my own selfishness. It's a huge challenge for me to watch his innocence slip away as he becomes more sophisticated and emotionally mature.

gretchen said...

To some folks, a bar and a church are one and the same:-)

Bud's interests seem to have jumped overnight from "little kid" videos of the tubbies to "big kid" videos of grown-up musicians! Don't grow up too fast Bud.

XXOO

Eileen (aka Mamaroo) said...

I think it is so smart (and brave) of Bud to know that watching the video with his hero in the storm over and over will help him to face his own fears. I have no doubt that this will help him to "weather the storms". And if not you could always go for a cold one at the bar. Cheers!

mommy~dearest said...

Eh- bar...church...why split hairs? ;)

Drama Mama said...

Bud is so smart.

Look at him manage his fears.

Wow.

redhead said...

Not a comment to this post, but I just want to say that I am anxiously awaiting your post in response or reaction to Jenny McCarthy's book and her and Holly Robinson Peete's appearance on Oprah.

Also wanted to see if you were going to see the movie "Across the Universe" with the Beatles music.

neil said...

Bud's preoccupation with bars might last a week? I know some blokes whose preoccupation with bars has lasted a lifetime!

Daisy said...

Funny! I've actually taken my "kids" into bars, but only to have lunch. We have a smoking ban locally, and that helps.

Joker The Lurcher said...

my son is mad into caravans too! and indeed bars...

Dadof6Autistickids said...

I found an 'Autism guide' for parents and teachers on the website of the National Education Association (NEA). It has a LOT of good info that parents should make sure their school district and teachers of your children have AND use. I thought you and or your
readers would find it useful.

I have more details and the link on our blog.

http://autismbitestheblog.blogspot.com/2007/09/autism-guide-for-educatorsteachersparen.html


Good luck!

MOM-NOS said...

Bipolar Dad, speaking of innocence slipping away...

Bud's comfort with Dierks' long hair is increasing every day, which has expanded the repertoire of videos he wants to watch. Tonight, we watched Come A Little Closer, and Bud's narration went something like this:

"They're having a nap... They're hugging!........ They're having a pajama party?"

Oh my.

Nicki Mann said...

Bars definitely do look like fun when you see them on TV! Hmm maybe you could find a pretty tame neighborhood bar and take him in there for Cokes and pinball games or something! When I was a kid I went to quite a few bars. I still don't drink... but I love pinball, darts, juke boxes and ping-pong!