Thursday, January 18, 2007

A week late and a comment short

Last week I learned from bubandpie that it was Multinational De-Lurking Week, a time for folks who read blogs but don't usually comment to reveal themselves and say "hey." I made the discovery late in the week, so I missed the opportunity to participate in the official event, but in these parts we're not afraid of showing our developmental delays. So here I am - a week late, with an open invitation to "out" yourself.

I'll say this, though: I've got nothing against lurking. I do it all the time myself. If you'd like to continue to lurk, know that you're welcome to and that no judgments will be made. If, however, you've wanted to pop up for air but you haven't known what to say, please take your cue from Marilyn and surface!

I was mining the archives of Bub and Pie recently, and stumbled upon this post, in which bubandpie writes:

I have been lurking for awhile on some blogs by mothers of autistic boys, but I don’t feel comfortable yet poking my head out to say hi, perhaps because I don’t really know how to introduce myself. "Hi, I’m the mother of a son who probably isn’t autistic (but might be)!"

That sounds like a great introduction to me.

If the open-ended "say anything" invitation is too ambiguous and you'd like to have something to respond to, then tell me something you enjoy reading - a book you love, a magazine you keep in the bathroom, a comic strip you never miss, the best cereal box in your cupboard, a blog that makes you laugh out loud - anything! (And "regulars" are welcome to pipe in, too!)

Or not. It's all challenge-by-choice around here.


liza said...

Hi, Mom-NOS. I'm a devoted lurker and mom to a 6 year old with PDD-NOS diagnosis. You're incredibly cool, and I love hearing your accounts of daily life NOS. Thanks for putting the effort into the blog- I know how much work it must be. It's a tremendous support to me.

Thank you!


Anonymous said...

just read 'fairest' by gail carson levine. not sure if you're into the YF books, but i was sorely disappointed.
that is all.

Anonymous said...

Hi Mom-NOS and Bud. I've been lurking here for a year or so, ever since I really started wondering about my little guy, who has since been officially diagnosed autistic. Reading about Bud gives me such hope for my guy. Bud obviously has a happy life and that's all I want for my son too. So thank you for writing here, and letting people like me peek into your world.


Anonymous said...

Hello. I'm a big lurker. I seldom post any comments on any blogs, but I read many of them on the Autism Hub everyday. I have two autistic boys, ages 5, and 3. I love reading your blog, thanks for taking the time to write it. (I know that isn't always easy!)Any blog that has coffee in the main topics is my kind of blog!

Anonymous said...

I am a lurker as well. I really enjoy your blog. I am a mother of a 7 year old son with autism.


Jessica said...

Hi Mom-NOS, I'm the mother of a 3 year old boy with a PDD-NOS diagnosis. I've been lurking for a few months and love reading about you and Bud. Your blog has helped me see just how wonderful my son is too!

Mom without a manual said...

Hi! I have been lurking regularly for a few months. A fellow Autism mom referred me to your site saying that your Bud reminded her of my son. Sure enough I see a lot of similarities.

So I figure since you and Bud are a few years ahead of us I can lurk and see what joys and trials may be coming our way!

Thanks for the inspiration!

(Proud Mom to 2 boys: JP(age 5 with Autism) and T, age 1 (meeting all his milestones :-> our fingers are crossed! )

Bea said...

I'm a semi-lurker, still - but you do know already how much I love your blog.

Reading the remark you quoted from my post reminded me of how much things have changed for me in the last few months. Reading about RDI (here and elsewhere) has made me so much less invested in labels and more interested in just identifying the areas where my son needs some extra support and then figuring out ways to provide that. I almost never engage in the is-he-or-isn't-he debate anymore - instead I'm focusing on "How can we help him develop his episodic memory?" or "How can I help him to reference facial expressions?"

It's a really good thing you're doing here (you and others) - even aside from what a fantastic writer you are.

Anonymous said...

Hi. I am a lurker and have been for a long time. I love this blog and have adapted a "buds-eye-view" to many things in our world. Thanks for the humor, coffee, music, interactive posts, links, and great stories.*putting on my earbuds now*

mjsuperfan said...

I love the de-lurking idea. I'm mom to twins, just turned two, with some degree of PDD (waiting for official diagnosis). I also have an almost-three-year old boy who is eccentric, but NT.
As far as a recommendation:
I like reading "More" magazine, because it features women on my side of forty doing all kinds of cool things. I used to love "Walking" magazine, because it made me feel athletic for basically just getting out of bed in the morning. Unfortunately they discontinued it.
Love your blog...reading about Bud's progress always bucks me up when I'm feeling blue.

Anonymous said...


Liza, Jennifer, Shawna, Karen, Jessica, Shawn, Mommyof3, momontheverge - thanks so much for popping up! (I have to admit that I had a moment of panic after I hit "publish" and thought What if no one comments?) And thanks, too, for your kind words. Heaping praise upon me was not a prerequisite - though it's most definitely appreciated. :-)

Liza, blogging takes a lot of effort, but I don't really see it as work. In fact, it's more helpful to me than anything else - it's helped me to connect with some great resources, it gives me (almost) instant feedback when I'm feeling unsure about something, and even just the act of getting things down in writing helps me to clarify my thinking.

I love that Bud makes some of you feel hopeful. He really is as fantastic as I make him sound!

Kirsten, I'm not sure what YF books are - Youth Fiction? (love 'em) Youth Fantasy? (not so much, unless Harry Potter counts)

bubandpie, yes, I clearly plucked that out of your archives and quoted you out of context (sorry about that!) I'm making my way through your (rich and wonderful) archives currently so I lose track in my head of what is actually recent information.

momontheverge, I've never heard of More magazine, but I think I have to check it out (since I'm now on the the other side of 40!)

Anonymous said...

Hi Mom-NOS,

I lurk most of the time. I have two boys. My youngest, Patrick, is 4 yrs old and has an autism diagnosis.

I just love reading about Bud!

KathyIggy said...

I mostly lurk daughter w/ASD is 11 yo and many of your stories about Bud remind me so much of when she was his age and Megan's unusual way with words. Reading the "autism hub" blogs is a great and thought-provoking part of the day.

Anonymous said...

So glad you posted about de-lurking. I have been reading your blog for some time and just love it. I don't recall how I first stumbled on it, but I have little first hand knowledge with the world of autism and your blog has really educated me a lot. I often tear up when I read your posts, and Bud just seems like such a wonderful little boy. Thanks for allowing me to better understand PDD-NOS and glimpse into your lives. You seem like a wonderful mother.

Maddy said...

Lurk? Perish the thought!

Chris and Erin said...

Hi! I've been lurking for a little bit- I find everything you write about life with Bud fascinating- I am a Special Education Teacher who worked in the past with families with Autistic members- currently I teach students with severe developmental delays. I find it inspiring to see first hand everything that families do to make things as good as they can for their children. Congrats on Bud- he sounds like quite the amazing kid!

Anonymous said...

Hello Mom-Nos-

I am also lurker and appreciate your comments. I have a 4 yr old son and 2 yr old daughther both somewhere on the spectrum. You have open my mind to new ideas and provide inspiration in some off my darkest times. I also appreciate the links to websites, books, articles, etc. I am so happy you continued to blog about your son and know that Bud will continue to do well.

lizziehoop said...

Hi I've been lurking for a few months now. Never really sure of what to say or how to say it. I am the mom of a 9 year old boy with autism. Can't relate to everything you talk about since I am Canadian and I can't stand coffee (please don't throw your mug at me!!) but if everyone in the world had the same opinions and views that would be a pretty crappy place to live. Keep up the great work on your blog - know that for every person that does comment that there are dozens of us who don't. Thanks for the glance into your world - it feels good knowing there are others with similar hurdles and victories.


Anonymous said...

I read your blog every day. It has been very helpful.
I just finished reading "George and Sam" and "Letters to Sam".They were interesting but I like your blog better!

Laura said...

Hi, I'm a new lurker as well! I just added you to my blog role. I'm mom to two boys - the oldest, 5 1/2, has Autism and the youngest, 2 1/2, is NT. Looking forward to more good reading!

MOM-NOS said...

Wow. I am really, really moved by the kind things you folks are saying. I can't begin to tell you how much it means to me, and how humbled I am by it.

Welcome jill, ladystargazer, 4evashopping & Liz!

And welcome back mumkeepingsane, KathyIggy, mcewen & dori!

Liz, I agree with you completely - diversity is what it's all about! If you don't like coffee, I will happily make you tea. And the very first time I saw Paul McCartney in concert was in Montreal. I've been a big fan of Canada ever since.

MOM-NOS said...

Welcome, Laura! I'm discovering that one of the perks of this "de-lurking" post is that I'm going to have some great new blogs to check out! Look for me on your... I'll be the one lurking in the shadows! :-)

Anonymous said...

Hello Mom-NOS, I'm another devoted lurker. I've been reading your blog for months. I'm the grandmother of a 6 year old boy named Elijah. Elijah is autistic and wonderful. My life would not be the same without him. I wanted to be called Nanna when I found out my daughter was going to have a baby but when Elijah entered the world he decided that I was Nina and I've been Nina ever since. Bud reminds me of Elijah in a lot of ways. I really enjoy your tales and I share them with any family member that will listen. Thanks! Martha

Anonymous said...

Hi Mom-Nos:

I want to de-lurk to say I love your blog. Your writing is simply wonderful and I just love Bud. I do not have a child w/autism, but I did experience the loss of a child in 1996. Christopher was 22 months old and was born with a Chromosome #11 duplication. His main issue was a trachea disorder (made of bone, not cartilidge and would never grow w/him). He was and still is my life inspiration. I was lucky enough at the ripe ol' age of 40 to have another son Ben who is 18 months old and keeps me moving.

I came across your blog from reading Susan Sentator's blog. I have no personal relationship to autism, but I feel like I know both of your sons (Nat and Bud)and feel quite priviliged to have a peak into your world.

Also, I am a HUGE Macca fan and also gave my husband a word of warning when he and Heather's divorce was announced! ;-)

Jamie from Portland Oregon

MarilynC said...

I got in on the ground floor! Woo-hoo!

Thanks for the in-post mention, Mom-NOS. It's fun to see your name in linky-underlined "lights". :)

Anonymous said...

Well, I suppose now is as good of time as any to delurk... hi. I'm just a random reader. I don't even remember how I ended up reading your blog, but I keep reading it because I love hearing the stories of you and Bud. I hope when (if?) I have kids, I can be as good and loving as a mom as you seem to be, and have children as happy as Bud seems to be. It's also really nice to hear that you seem to LIKE Bud, as well as love him. I love hearing the stories; he sounds like a really cute kid.
Happy delurking week!

Kev said...

See what I meant about audience vs commenters? ;o)

Anonymous said...

Hi MOM-NOS. I've been a devoted reader since March '05 (I was tipped-off by Adventures in Autism blog). I mostly lurk, but have made a few comments here and there. I feel a little rude that I never introduced myself before. It must be those autistic tendencies I have where it didn't even occur to me that you would have any interest in me. I am a mother of two boys. My older son just turned 6 and has sensory integration dysfunction w/some language delays (literal thinking and wh- questions, etc.). My younger son is 4.5 yrs. old and is PDD-NOS. He had a complete loss of language and eye contact when he was 21 months old. He was never typical developing though. He always had developmental delays and he also had two birth defects --craniosynostosis (premature fusion of a bone in his head) and a palsy of the 4th cranial nerve in each eye. His expressive and receptive language is still severely delayed, but he is actually talking now :-). His eye contact is fantastic and he is the happiest kid you'd ever meet. Thank you for all the wonderful things you write about in your blog! Linda H. Indiana

Anonymous said...

Hi, MOM-NOS. I've been reading your blog for about a year and I love Bud. He makes me smile. I've got 4 kids (16, 14, 10, and 4) and my 14yo has Asperger's Syndrome. Sometimes the things Bud does remind me of Chris at that age (and sometimes even now)--the tableaux with stuffed animals especially. Keep up the good writing.
Elizabeth J

rachelblue said...

Hello, I'm a lurker too :) I just finished my master's degree in Child Development and I spent a lot of time this past semester studying autism. It has been so nice to read your blog and get away from the "textbook" view of autism, which doesn't compare to the personal perspective. Bud sounds like a fantastic little guy and I love reading about his adventures (although personally, I'm a Ringo girl).

Anonymous said...

Hi, MOM-NOS. I've been a dedicated lurker for over a year now. I have a four-year-old son with autsim, and an 18-month-old son who is developing typically at this point(my fingers are positively sore from being so firmly crossed for so long). I really appreciate the balance, affirmation, and hope that you bring to your blog. Thank you for opening up your life to us. You are a source of support, and you know how much that means.

Anonymous said...

Hi Mom-NOS. I'm an avid reader of your blog and enjoy every minute of it. I'm the mother of a four year old girl with autism who reminds me of Bud so much. You've made me laugh, you've made me cry but most of all you are one of the things the keep me sane. Thanks for the free therapy you provide!

gretchen said...

Damn! I'm going to have to stop commenting so much, now that I know all these other people are reading! :-)

Club 166 said...

OK, since you've asked, I'm outing myself.

My name is Joe and I'm a dedicated lurker who totally enjoys your posts. I especially enjoyed the "Google" post from a couple of days ago. I'm the dad of a great 7 y/o boy on the spectrum (who has tried to order "free" bowling balls online), as well as a 4 1/2 y/o NT girl.

Keep it up!

Unknown said...

Hi Mom-NOS, another devoted lurker here. I've commended anonymously once or twice, but am happily coming out today to let you know just how big your audience is! I routinely give your blog address out to "new" folks just starting on this journey as an example of a mom, and child, who are constructing a happy, functional, and hopeful life. You have no idea how much joy and solace your blog brings to those of us whose kids are younger, because PDD-NOS itself is such a young diagnosis. I'm also grateful to you for linking to other wonderful blogs, like Autismland and Autism's Edges.

It's George Bailey day on Mom-NOS, and I am pleased and proud to be one of the people showing up at the Christmas party to tell you how much you matter to all of us!


Anonymous said...

My 7 yr old PDD-NOS son has come so far that he's losing his "French" accent a little, which is great, but I miss it sometimes.

I, too, have directed friend and family NOS's to your blog as a pretty balanced and honest view of having a kid on the spectrum. It's really, really hard, but entertaining and epiphanic also (for the parents as well as the child, I believe). Thanks for reflecting that aspect of parenting "the French", and reminding us of it when we forget.

Anonymous said...

Ok my comment isn't so much on the topic of "lurking" although I am certainly guilty of it. Still learning how this whole Blog thing works. I feel like I know some of you guys personally after reading so much of your writing. Anyway, as I encounter things in my life as a Special Education Teacher and Mom of an autistic boy, I often wonder how people like "MOM-NOS" or some other Bloggers might react. For example, any opinions on the recent episodes of American Idol where they are being cruel and mean to young people who clearly have some sort of disability???

As I watched the episodes this week, I couldn't help but think of my son. I had to turn it off after a while. It brought me to tears the way the made fun of these kids. Anyway, I'm not much of a writer, but if anyone could do this story justice, its you!! Not even sure if you watch the show, but its still an interesting (disturbing) topic.

MOM-NOS said...

Welcome Martha! And Jamie! And Anonymous! And Elizabeth J! And Rachel (or are you the same Rachel who has popped in before?)! And Shelly! And Other Anonymous! And Joe! And Sarah!

Welcome back Marilyn! And Kev! And Linda H! And Gretchen! And kjoel! And kristen!

I’m completely overwhelmed. That’s not false modesty. It’s completely genuine. I am totally and completely overwhelmed. (I actually feel a little like Sally Field at the ’85 Oscars: “You like me! You really like me!”)

Martha, Bud and his Nana have a very special relationship, too. Elijah is lucky to have you.

Jamie, I’m so sorry about the loss of Christopher. But I do know what you mean – the babies I lost are with me, and shape my life every day. You can’t measure the meaning of a life in time. And, also – should you end up with Paul, could you at least invite me over to play Scrabble or something?

Marilyn, you are a trendsetter.

Anonymous, you are absolutely right. I really LIKE Bud. I enjoy his company. I’d be his friend even if I wasn’t related to him.

Kev, nobody likes a know-it-all. :-)

Linda, I’m most definitely interested in you and your boys. We just hit a WH- question milestone… which will be in a post sometime soon!

Elizabeth: 4 kids and you still find time to read blogs! Amazing!

Rachel, I apologize for the snide remark I made recently about Ringo’s album tracks…

Shelly, it sounds like maybe you and Shawn (above) should connect. I’ve got my fingers crossed for both of you.

Anonymous, isn’t it amazing when you read about a child who sounds like yours? It first happened to me when I read Beth Kephart’s A Slant of Sun, and I felt like I’d found a long-lost cousin.

Gretchen, don’t even jest…

Joe: Hide the credit cards.

Sarah, it really DOES feel like George Bailey day. It’s staggering. But also very cool. I just wish I could convey it to Bud. Someday, it’s going to knock his socks off.

kjoel: Merci!

kristen: YES! YES! YES! I had the same reaction as you to this week’s Idol. It was exploitative, mean-spirited, and cruel. I’ll follow the links (thanks for those) and I'll mull over a post. Thanks for the idea (and the vote of confidence!)

Anonymous said...

hi, I'm yet another lurker "de-lurking" themselves..
I found your blog through a bunch of other autism blogs.
I'm 13 and have been volunteering with kids with autism for the past 3-4 years.
I really like reading your blog and stories about Bud..keep writing!!!


MOM-NOS said...

peermodel, that is SO COOL! You are doing really important work. So glad to see you here!

Anonymous said...

Hi Mom-NOS, I am yet another addicted lurker. I read all the time and I love hearing about Bud. He is so funny and smart and it gives me so much hope for my four year old, who is also on the spectrum.

Thanks for saying all the things I want to say and can't put into words!


MOM-NOS said...

Eithne, thank you - and welcome!

charmian said...

I lurk because I can't type, I'm tired when my little guy goes to bed (real late) and I just figured out Yahoo groups then blogs appeared.

I found your blog because of a search for the words "progressive" and "autism". Serendipity! I'm still trying to figure out where you live though, rural with great schools...sounds like Brigadoon...or do I mean Camelot?

May I say a couple more things? I too, loved SLANT OF SUN (my best autism book) and I'm reading Paul Collin's book now because of your site. And I'm progressive and worship my coffee pot...all good things. Right?... But,
here goes...

Lauren Thierry (the producer of Autism Every Day) was so wonderful to me when my son was diagnosed that it kills me when I read things about her by people who don't know her. I feel so powerless to defend her but I need to say she's an incredibly smart, strong, good and kind woman who loves her son, and children with autism, passionately. I was a stranger to her and she really held my hand when I was so lost 5 years ago.

I just had to say that, for what it's worth.

MOM-NOS said...

Charmian, thanks for popping in! And thanks, especially, for your words about Lauren Thierry. My concerns are with her film, and not at all with her personally. I hope that nothing I've written has sounded like a personal attack, because none of it was meant to be.

I don't know her, but I assume that she would have to be a smart, strong woman who loves her son to be working so tirelessly in her efforts. It's just that she and I come from different philosophical perspectives. But, as many have said in the comments before, it's through talking about - and listening to - different perspectives that we are likely to make the best progress for our kids.

And, that being said, I have a hunch that if Lauren Thierry and I ever found ourselves in conversation with each other, we would discover that we have more in common than not.

P.S. I do live in Brigadoon... how did you guess? :-)

Kaethe said...

Well, I think I've posted before, but I've been away for several months, so I'll pop up and say "howdy", too. I've been reading you for quite a while. I can't remember now how I got started, although there is a connection.

I have two NT daughters, the eldest Bud's age. What I enjoy so much about your blog is that you don't try to compare Bud to anyone else. Your focus is solely on what he wants and what he needs and what is his bliss. That's a marvelous parenting strategy, and I'm trying to learn from you.

Recent book recommendation: Pirates! In an Adventure With Communists.

Recent YouTube fave: Christopher Walken dancing for Fatboy Slim Be sure and share with your mom.

Mrs. Knight Rath said...

So I came across your blog in a google search - now I don't even remember what I was searching for. In any case, I started reading and decided I might as well start from the beginning. And now I'm up to this post, so I figured I'd de-lurk a year or so later. I'm a graduate student in English and haven't really had any experience with autism, but now I feel like I have! Thank you :)

Natalie said...

Hi, Mom-NOS! I found your blog from The Ryan Files, which I found through some other blog... it's an endless cycle. I like to read blogs from the very beginning, so if you have a visit on your stat counter that lasts for days and days, it's probably me. I know this comment comes three and a half years after your post, but I thought it would be appropriate to de-lurk. I have loved your stories and insights!


Chelsea Anderson said...

I know this is years late, but I thought I'd finally come out and post my first comment. I just finished my first year teaching a jr high study skills class with about half NT students, half "sped/504" students (as my administration refers to them), most of which are on the autism spectrum. When I started the school year, I had NO experience working with students with autism and it was kinda like baptism by fire!

  I fell in love with one particular 7th grade boy with Asperger's (who reminds me SO much of Bud) and got to be great friends with his mom, who sent me a link me to your "toaster brain" entry a few weeks ago. I thought your words were amazing and explained everything so well. I read a few more posts here and there and loved them so much I decided to start at the beginning and read EVERYTHING! There have been so many times I've been able to relate to things you've written (the airplane meltdown, the sympathy breakthrough, the computer sneakiness...I could go on forever), but I've always been too chicken to post (and I figured the posts were so old no one would ever see them). 

Anyway, I learned a lot my first year teaching, but I feel like I've learned SO much more from reading your amazing blog. I only wish I would have found it sooner :)

Thanks for sharing your awesome journey with your adorable boy Bud! Sorry to make my first post a novel!